I Offer Two Streams of Mentorship for Partnerships
Soul-Based Mentorship
We live in a society that offers endless erroneous, and often conflicting, messages, and expectations when it comes to finding and sustaining vibrant, soulful intimate partnership. To make matters worse, we’re attempting intimate partnership in a society that has gutted its communities and villages, placing tremendous pressure on the person(s) who occupies this all-too-precious real estate. In this role we must be all things for and to each other; the muse, the provocateur, the lover, the co-parent, therapist, business partner, best friend and more.
In this model we often miss what might be the most important reason to partner with someone under such impossible circumstances – to support and nourish us to be the most radical and unique expression of ourselves in The World.
The strongest partnerships are often the ones that have an agreement – they are not here to be the safe-haven or the comfortable companion. As well-enough adults in partnership we do not expect our partners to meet our needs––the ones that weren’t met in early childhood. We choose partners based on their capacity to nourish, inspire, reflect, provoke and support us as we go about the critical work of loving The World in the specific and essential ways that are ours alone to do.
Especially given the state of The World––both the natural and human layers––it is so very important that we remember we are here to serve, to help hospice what is dying and midwife what is gestating and being born. In this way our intimate partnerships have the opportunity, and the responsibility, to be intimate ecologies of profound wellness. There is nothing romantic about this. But there must be a tremendous amount of erotic intelligence flowing in and out of the partnership field. This takes intention, attention and dedication.
For this to be possible the partnership itself needs support, inspiration, reflection and provocation. This is where mentorship comes in. As a mentor I am not fighting for your marriage. Unlike couple therapy, my singular focus is to help you see the unique nature of your partnership as it exists to serve a wider purpose. We will identify where broken and unhelpful narratives are derailing the intelligence and generativity of your connection. Certainly, we may weave in current language and tools from the many therapeutic models. The lens of adult attachment can be useful but it’s not the holy grail. Nor is the framework of trauma and wound. While our wounds are the primary culprits when it comes to what derails our relationships, a focus on them will not help us find new patterns of relating. Often, spending time on what is brilliantly well is the very thing that will assuage and atrophy the wound patterns.
However, what I’m describing is not for everyone. Couples Mentorship is for initiated adults in intimate partnership; those who primarily devoted to holing rather than healing. That narrows down the field tremendously because very few of us have had the opportunity to reach true soulful, initiated adulthood. If you feel you have reached this stage in your personal development, and you’d like to explore the possibility of mentorship, please reach out and let me know. We will have an informal conversation to see if this kind of support is right for you.
Sexuality & Eros Guiding
For committed couples (regardless of your relationship structure), I offer practical, experiential coaching to build not merely a robust sexual connection but to restore the required flow of Eros in and through your partnership field.
This might be for you if:
You have entered a new stage/phase of your relationship and your sexual drive, map, desires have shifted as a result and you feel unmoored. I.e., you’ve had children, your children have left home, one of you has experienced a medical crisis and the old ways don’t work any longer, or one or both of you have crossed a significant age threshold with accompanying physical and emotional shifts, like menopause or ‘mid-life
You have always experienced difficulty in your sexually intimate dance with each other and you’re ready to explore this essential terrain
Largely things are wonderful and you’d like to explore how they might be even more wonderful
Regardless of the reason, this work will be specific, practical and explicit. I give individual and partnership practices for you to work at home and expect that you will engage yourselves here. We will speak candidly and openly about anatomy, habits, desires, experiences, histories and current practices. There is no other way to explore and attend to this terrain.
More times than not I am likely to refer at least one of you to a hands-on Somatic Sex Educator and have a small list of individuals with whom I work regularly, whose work I trust and vouch for.